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While Jobu is on vacation, enjoy one of our greatest hits as Dixie pays homage to a new kind of fashion icon.

Oh NBA players, how I love thee. You’re always so fantastically dressed. Suits, cardigans, scarfs; you accessorize like none other. And oh the glorious colors! You utilize the pinks, the purples, the blues; you never shy away from the traditionally feminine colors. You are arguably the best dressed athletes in the world. Every time you leave the locker room, you appear as if to have walked straight out of a GQ magazine. You are truly the style icons that men should aspire.

But lately, I have been disillusioned with you, basketball players. Yes, my love is waning. Why, you may ask? Because you had to go and dress like damn hipsters. Are you trying to make a statement by adapting the “nerd chic” look? Maybe its me? Am I so out of touch with men’s fashion? I mean, you are the style icons to which men should aspire, I just said it two seconds ago. Would I make a liar out of myself?  Am I failing the Jobu’s Rum readership by not getting on board with it? As much as it pains me I guess I have to suck it up. Let’s learn how everyone can get their NBA nerd swag in three easy steps!

Step 1

The skinnier the pants, the better!

Buy the skinniest jeans you can find. You can’t dress like an NBA hipster without them. Nothing says sexy like wearing a pair of jeans that look exactly like your girlfriend’s.  Want to go that extra mile? Red skinny jeans. Hell any red pants for that matter. It’s not just for Justin Bieber anymore! If LeBron James and Dwyane Wade are rocking them, you probably should too.

Step 2

Teddy Bear shirt? No problem!(

Find a button down shirt with the craziest print you can find. The sky is the limit. We aren’t talking polka dots and stripes here fellas. I wanna see graphic prints, graffiti, and 80s geometric patterns. If it looks outrageously 80s, you’re on the right path. A good rule of thumb for picking out just the right print is the pajama test. If it looks like it could possibly be the top to a pajama set, you’ve hit the mark! Still a little lost? Look no further than, Russell Westbrook. Fishing lure hooks, vintage comics prints , and just when you think he can’t get much more outrageous…. Bam! He wears a teddy bear print button down. He truly is an inspiration to all basketball hipsters.

Step 3

Dont get a headache, just take out the lenses!

Finally, the accessory that no self respecting basketball hipster would ever be photographed without; wide rimmed glasses with no lenses. Yes, you read that right, no lenses. Don’t even think about keeping the lenses in. The hipster style is all about being ironic, and nothing is more ironic than wearing glasses with no lenses. Oh, but you needed glasses to see? Too bad. It’s time to invest in Lasik. I know what you’re thinking, this is getting pricey. Here’s a great tip, just take the 3D glasses you get at the movies and take out the lenses. No one will ever know the difference, and 3D glasses with no lenses are way more ironic!

There you have it ladies and gentleman, you should have no trouble dressing like your favorite basketball hipster now! You have all the tools to look as nerdastic as Lebron or Dwyane. But don’t forget that being a basketball hipster is a lifestyle as well. You need to be as arrogant and ironic as possible.  Wear that wool scarf  in June! Claim you started the glasses with no lenses trend! And last, but not least, just think… What Would Russell Westbrook Do?**

** Jobu’s Note: Anybody interested in some pajama-print WWRWD bracelets? I think we’re onto something here!

Featured image courtesy of: AP Photo/Lynne Sladky

Martin Stezano

About Martin Stezano

Uruguayan born and American raised with a unique perspective on the domestic and international sports scenes. It will both tickle your funny bone and enlighten your mind. Love it or hate it...just read it.