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Jobu reviews the Giants’ week 10 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals.

Don’t worry, Giants fans, this won’t take long at all. It will take about as long as it took the Giants to play themselves completely out of this game, or about five minutes. The Cincinnati Bengals proved to be entirely too much for the G-Men to overcome in this game. While the Bengals seemed to be firing on all cylinders, the Giants seemed to be trying to fit their cylindrical pegs into triangular holes. Literally. They played like babies, and it’s all part of their brilliant scheme to win the Super Bowl again.

Wha? How? Who? Listen folks, it’s pretty obvious what the Giants are up to. The key to the Giants Super Bowl run last year, and in 2007 too, is the fact that no one ever really took them seriously. When they went to San Francisco in week six this year and cleaned house all over the 49ers, they tipped their hands too much. You can’t sneak through to a division title, an NFC championship or a Super Bowl championship if people know how good your team is. If you get on the NFL’s radar, people will design strategies to beat you, instead of just taking you for granted and planning for the game they play after they beat you. The Giants are clearly simply pulling on the reigns a little bit to make the league think they don’t pose a threat. It’s a strategy that Tom Coughlin and the Giants have been using for years. It doesn’t always work, but it’s worked twice in the last five years, hasn’t it?

If we’re handing out league MVPs based on who is most valuable to their club, then Eli Manning deserves it for completely buying into this “slump” the Giants are in (wink wink). No one has looked more hapless the last few weeks than Eli. Against Cincinatti, he was brilliant in playing the role of the tired and struggling QB. He seemed to literally be completely devoid of hap. I almost started believing that he really is just forgetting how to play football! Eli went 29-46 for 215 yards in the game, with no TDs and two INTs. He hasn’t thrown a TD pass in three weeks! Now that’s commitment to the ruse! Just look at him in the image at the top of this post! How much more useless could he look?

A hearty congratulations for a job not well done. Great job, boys! (Associated Press)

Not to be left out of the praise for this brilliant charade is Ahmad Bradshaw. Key fumbles, combined with getting completely outplayed by your backup week after week, is a tremendous way to make people think you’re terrible. I commend him for putting his pride on the shelf and really taking one for the team so far the last few weeks. And Andre Brown deserves some credit for playing well (7 carries, 65 yards), but he should make sure he doesn’t play too well, because then teams will start watching video of him instead of Bradshaw. That’s gonna hurt his chances at Super Bowl MVP.

Lastly, I want to really hand it to the defense. They could have stopped their performance after blowing significant leads in consecutive weeks against the Cowboys and Steelers. No one would have blamed them if they had gone back to playing well against the Bengals. It’s hard to have people watch you get embarrassed by Benjarvus Green-Ellis and the like. But when push came to shove, and the time came to really make the league think they were terrible, they really stepped up. Bengals QB, Andy Dalton, went 21-30 with 199 yards and a career high 4 TDs. I’m not saying that Dalton is a bad QB. He’s actually having a very good season. But he probably has no business roughing up the Gaints defense like that. No need to worry, NFL quarterbacks, the Giants mean you no harm. They won’t even cover your receivers! Throw to them all day long without fear of being disturbed in any way (nudge nudge).

Anywho, once the Giants get to .500, and the entire league and even perhaps Michael Strahan has left them for dead, they’ll suddenly “get hot,” finish the season 10-6 or 9-7, win the division and march themselves to another Super Bowl victory over Tom Brady and the Patriots… Just wait and see, folks. Get your Super Bowl rings and Academy Awards ready.

Most Valuable Giants

All of them, because they were all terrible… Terrible like a fox!

Featured image courtesy of:  Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Martin Stezano

About Martin Stezano

Uruguayan born and American raised with a unique perspective on the domestic and international sports scenes. It will both tickle your funny bone and enlighten your mind. Love it or hate it...just read it.

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