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Jobu weighs in on Bud Selig’s rumored lucrative contract extension, and whether or not it is wise to give him that at such an advanced age.

I consider myself the commissioner of Jobu’s Rum. After all, my name (or the name I stole from Major League) is all over the logo, the URL and everything else on the site. You know how much money I make to run this little blog? None. You know how many times I’ve almost ruined this blog with my ineptness? The answer to that is also none. So why isn’t there a rumor about me getting paid $22 MM to stay at Jobu’s Rum for one more year? Because life is messed up, that’s why, and because I’m not Bud Selig.

That’s right, friends. Rumor has it that Major League Baseball wants to extend Good Ol’ Bud for another couple of years to the tune of $22 million per year (American dollars!). My question is… Is this really a wise decision? Have the good people at MLB really thought this through enough? I don’t think they have, and it really grinds my gears. Here’s why:

Heh?? What sonny??

The up-and-down nature of his tenure as the Commissioner of Major League Baseball leads me to question if he’s even worth bringing back at all, let alone for all that money. I mean honestly, what has he done to deserve coming back? First of all, he’s gotta be at least 150 years old. I’m pretty sure he helped Abner Doubleday make up his story about inventing baseball. Ok so he’s only 77 years old, but do we really want someone of that age running anything, let alone a multi-billion dollar sports league? Can he even drive himself to work anymore? I’m not saying old people can’t do anything, but… well… old people can’t handle the high stresses of running a sports league. There, I said it. Bud Selig is too old to be the commissioner of his own bowels, let alone the MLB.

Beyond the fact that he’s too old, has he actually ever really done anything of note? I mean sure, he’s doing a great job eliminating the whole steroids problem, but remember when he was the commissioner during the players’ strike that caused baseball’s audience to stop going to the stadiums, which he fixed by basically turning a blind eye to the obvious rampant steroids consumption that was going on throughout the sport, which basically made Major League Baseball an all you can eat performance enhancing circle jerk (did you click?)? If I take a dump on the floor at work, and then clean it up, I’m pretty sure I’m still going to be judged on the fact that i took a dump on the floor (even if I shampoo the carpets!).

What’s that? Cheese pies??

I mean really. Has he done anything that has helped the sport? Sure, the sport is more global than ever, but I’d give individual teams and players the credit before I gave any to Selig. Not to toot my team’s horn, but if the MLB doesn’t send the Yankees out as ambassadors to the game (maybe the Dodgers and Red Sox too), does the sport become as popular around the world as it has become in the last decade? I don’t remember the guy who killed Muammar Gadaffi wearing a Bud Selig hat when he was interviewed.

To be honest, I obviously don’t know what Bud Selig does on a daily basis, but do we really need to know that to judge his performance? Do we know what the President of the United States does every day? Cuz we judge the crap out of him every day. Not to go on a tangent, but the president makes what, $400-500K a year? He runs the whole country. Why is Bud getting $22 million to run baseball? I realize there are players that make even more than that, but oddly, I’m ok with it. They entrain me. They hit home runs. They strike people out. They make the game what it is. They aren’t 77 years old (except maybe Omar Vizquel…zing!)

The truth is I can only judge Bud Selig by the things I have seen that he has done. He was commissioner during a players’ strike, he let the whole steroids era happen (allegedly unbeknownst to him) and he even implemented that stupid rule that says the All-Star game winning league has home field advantage in the World Series. Is there a dumber rule than that? If no one gives a shit about the All-Star game when the winner doesn’t win home field advantage, are they really gonna give a shit if that’s the case? Why not just decide home field advantage on which player wins the Home Run Derby? That’s the only thing most people watch during All-Star weekend anyway, right? In fact, why don’t we just make that player’s team world champion?

I apologize for this post being much more of a rant than my usual well thought out arguments, but I can’t fathom any reason a 77-year-old man with such a crappy track record should be getting any kind of contract offer, let alone one that pays him more than 95% of the players in the league. Also, I realize that offer is just “rumored.” If it turns out not to be true, I take it all back. Well… except the fact that Selig is too damn old to be running baseball. Come on! He’s been collecting social security since I was barely starting college! Enough is enough! Give the money to a guy who won’t spend it all on Geritol and Depends.

Here’s a link to more pictures of Bud Selig looking like he can’t hear.

First image courtesy of:
Second image courtesy of: AP Photo/Seth Wenig
Third image courtesy of:
Cheese pies comment courtesy of: My friend Marc

Martin Stezano

About Martin Stezano

Uruguayan born and American raised with a unique perspective on the domestic and international sports scenes. It will both tickle your funny bone and enlighten your mind. Love it or hate it...just read it.

2 thoughts on “Bud Selig Is Too Old

  1. There are still a great many in the Boston media who expect Larry Lucchino to be the next “commish”. I wonder if this is just a way to give him a little more time to settle things down at Fenway before ” ascending to the throne,”

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