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For those of you who haven’t heard, FIFA ruled on the Luis Suárez bite incident. The Uruguayan striker has been suspended for nine international games, and banned from all fútbol for the next four months. So, is it fair, or is FIFA using different rules to govern players whom it deems good or bad for the sport? The answer to both of those might just be yes.

First, lets break down the decision. Here’s FIFA’s official statement.

The player Luis Suárez is regarded as having breached art. 48 par. 1 lit. d of the FIFA Disciplinary Code (FDC) (assault), and art. 57 of the FDC (an act of unsporting behaviour towards another player).

The player Luis Suárez is to be suspended for nine (9) official matches. The first match of this suspension is to be served in the upcoming FIFA World Cup™ fixture between Colombia and Uruguay on 28 June 2014. The remaining match suspensions shall be served in Uruguay’s next FIFA World Cup match(es), as long as the team qualifies, and/or in the representative team’s subsequent official matches in accordance with art. 38 par. 2a) of the FDC.

The player Luis Suárez is banned from taking part in any kind of football-related activity (administrative, sports or any other) for a period of four (4) months in accordance with art. 22 of the FDC.

A stadium ban is pronounced against the player Luis Suárez in accordance with art. 21 of the FDC as follows: the player Luis Suárez is prohibited from entering the confines of any stadium during the period of the ban (point 3). The player Luis Suárez is prohibited from entering the confines of any stadium in which the representative team of Uruguay is playing while he has to serve the nine-match suspension (point 2).

The player Luis Suárez is ordered to pay a fine in the amount of CHF 100,000.

Spaceballs

 

What this means is that Suárez’s World Cup is over, and his career, for both club and country, is on hold for the next four months. He can’t play in any games for Uruguay or Liverpool (or any other club that might acquire him during the summer transfer period) during that time. He can’t even set foot in a stadium as a spectator, and he better not even think about playing fútbol in the yard with his children, because FIFA goons will pull up in black SUVs, take the ball from him and pop it with a knife. It’s that serious, people.

Anyway, let’s tackle the fairness question. I have a tough time arguing against this decision. Yes, it’s very harsh. Yes, people (cough cough Neymar cough) have committed much more violent acts on the pitch against other players in this very tournament, and FIFA has done nothing about it. Yes, those such incidents are much more dangerous, and could potentially cause much more harm, than Suárez’s bite (assuming he wasn’t eating rotting human carcasses before the game… which we can no longer assume). Yes, they are punishing Suárez based more on the deviant nature of his offense, and not the actual seriousness of it. Yes, Giorgio Chiellini is a little baby bitch punk who, I’m sure, was doing something to deserve some kind of act upon him. Yes, Suárez’s reputation has led him to be punished more than someone else who might have done the same thing. One thousand yesses to all of those. You know what else, though? Biting is weird and scary. It’s what animals, crazy people and zombies do. People don’t bite people, unless severe mental and emotional problems are involved. Also, it’s his third offense. His third! What kind of crazy asshole gets himself one biting suspension, let alone three? There’s something seriously wrong with him, and a message needed to be sent in this case.

It really pains me to say all of this, because this suspension likely means the end of Uruguay’s World Cup hopes. Even if they can somehow get by Colombia in the round of 16, a potential matchup with Brazil looms in the quarter-finals. Both of those games would have been tough with Suárez on the field. They might just be impossible without him. We shouldn’t be angry at FIFA for suspending Luis Suárez unfairly. We should be angry at our Luis Suárez for being an out of control lunatic. Like the great Vince McMahon would say, Vince McMahon didn’t screw Luis. Luis Screwed Luis. Unfortunately, he also probably screwed Uruguay. I haven’t completely lost hope, as anything can and has happened during this World Cup, so let’s just see what happens on Saturday.

There’s always the appeal too, to which I assume Uruguayan lawyers will bring ten duffel bags full of cash… you know, just to have. And if they happen to leave those bags unattended in a downstairs janitor’s closet under the seventh floor board from the door… come onnnn FIFA corruption!

Featured image courtesy of: The Guardian

Martin Stezano

About Martin Stezano

Uruguayan born and American raised with a unique perspective on the domestic and international sports scenes. It will both tickle your funny bone and enlighten your mind. Love it or hate it...just read it.

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