Jobu doesn’t want Frank Caliendo in his life anymore, and he’s not afraid to say it.

I know American sports fans are mostly dumb, easily amused, have ADD, and need constant entertainment during the increasingly extensive NFL pre-game coverage, but what the hell does Frank Caliendo have to do with anything?

Look, I’m not taking anything away from Frank. He’s a pretty amazing celebrity impersonator (I hesitate to use the words “actor” or “comedian,” because I haven’t really seen him act or be funny as himself). His impersonations make me laugh, and they’re pretty much dead on. I list my favorite of his impersonations as John Madden, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino and Charles Barkley (seriously, have you seen his Barkley? It’s great!).

That being said, why the hell do I care who he thinks is going to win any football game, let alone a meaningful one. Has he ever even played football (pee wee doesn’t count)? Has he ever coached football (see pee wee comment)? Does he have access to any kind of “insider” information like Jay Glazer does? I’m willing to bet a lot of money that the answer to all of these questions is a resounding no.

Listen, I barely care about what Jimmy Johnson and Terry Bradshaw have to say when it comes to picking winners (only listen to Michael Strahan), and they’re “experts.” Frank Caliendo is just a guy who is good at mimicking celebrities, who probably watches a lot of sports.

My friends have called me “The Man of a Thousand Voices” for years, and I clearly watch a lot of sports… Why doesn’t FOX save themselves whatever disgusting salary they’re paying Caliendo for his exploits and hire me for half the price? I can say “Hoo Hah! The Giants are gonna win!” I can put on sunglasses, do angry eyebrows, breathe heavily through my nose and ask you where Eli Manning gets those wonderful toys. Really, I can!

Can FOX not afford the real celebrities? Is this why they continue to employ Caliendo? They must be able to at least afford the real John Madden. Does Frank have hot sexy pictures of Joe Buck with a high priced call girl? I mean honestly… what else could it be that keeps him on my television every week? Please FOX, send Caliendo back to TBS, where I only have to watch him do commercials for a show that will get cancelled in two weeks during the MLB playoffs (at least he doesn’t pick the winners).

Caliendo image courtesy of: http://dailyfiasco.com/